I need to desire less and less from life. Not only material possessions, but fewer experiences, fewer gratifications, less praise. Even the need to do good must be let go of. I think I will simply exchange one kind of possession for another. I exchange material possessions for spiritual experiences. But I still wish to become more. More inward, more self-contained, more free of like and dislike.  More, more, more.  

Can I see that this is simply another turn of the wheel. What is needed is not more. What is needed is less. I understand that I need a quieter mind. My misunderstanding is thinking that I need a quieter mind so that I will replace my turning thoughts with silence. I think I need more silence. Instead of silence as a state, it is a possession.  

I understand that I need to be less enslaved by my negative emotions. My misunderstanding is thinking that I will then replace my negative emotions with a positive attitude towards all and everything. I will be filled with emotional warmth, generosity and kindness. I wish to have a new image of myself. Always capable of turning the other cheek. I wish to become a bodhisattva, a saint. Another possession. I wish to have an inner life, full of light. Full of a connection with the higher. I want, I want, I want. My appetite is insatiable.

If I were to stop wanting, what would happen? Who would I become? Could one give up the wish for connection with the higher, also? Give up all aspirations, even those that are real and true. Then… but nothing could be said of what would be one’s state then, could it? Nothing could be said, and nothing would need to be said. 

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4 Comments

  1. I’m inspired by this piece towards more inner reflection. Lots to think about in this short piece. Thank you!

  2. Thank you, Annie.

  3. I want
    I need.
    Who is asking?
    Who is answering?
    Who Am I?
    Who is asking?
    Who is answering?
    A summer conundrum.
    I sit in the shade and wonder.

  4. Yes, who is asking? The one who wishes to impress by asking a deep question? The one who asks, but doesn’t really care? The one who asks because he or she likes to talk? Or, the one, usually silent, who is searching? I am all of these. We are all of these. Thank you, Karen.